if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
