allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
