if you like me you must not know who I am
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
