She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Mom said you looked used
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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