the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
