hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
