He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
