Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
