i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
