Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
