I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
