Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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