Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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