My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
