I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
