So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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