evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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