The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
