The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
should my penis look like a turkey
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
