she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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