Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
