I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
