you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
