So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
