He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
