is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
