i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's official drugs can't kill me
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
