I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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