she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
