Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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