Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
