Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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