i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
