shes about as inviting as chlamydia
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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