Just fell off a train. Bad.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
