It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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