i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
