You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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