sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
