i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
