i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
