You really coming over, don't trick.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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