turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
only you would photoshop your dick
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
