At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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