i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
