My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
