I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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