everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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