those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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