At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
