the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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