Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
