he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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