dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
