Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
50% drunk capacity currently
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
