i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
