Umm I'm too high to move.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
