What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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