yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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