And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
