I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
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