2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
only you would photoshop your dick
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
