i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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