I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
