Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
