I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize