You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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