I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
