I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Semen is not good for contacts.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
