You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
